Unlike last year when the beginning was hinged, pegged and controlled; this year it was simply vexed. Vexed by the unflattering inability to fast on account of that monthly ritual of seemingly endless sanguin. Of course this begs the question – what is fasting?
Is it the lack of eating that constitutes the primary indicator? If so, does that mean that all those incapable of fasting for whatever reason are not achieving the objective of Ramadan? I say no. Having fasted since the age of six I can assure you that eventhough I may have been abstaining from food and drink I was completely and utterly off target regarding the objectives of Ramadan. It’s one thing to withhold from eating, it is an entirely different battle to abstain from the endless tyranny of our thoughts. And that is the crux of the matter, that is the real KPI if you may, of your measured success for Ramadan. The mental fast.
We are all slaves to the endless slur of thoughts that often manifest as an endless downpour in our minds. Somehow whilst praying I always remember what I had forgotten moments earlier, the location of my keys and somehow the answer to life as well. And just as I remember it, as soon as I finish my prayers and rush to grab a pen it flutters away like the non-existent summer breeze in the Underground. There you have it, you wasted a prayer interrupted by a thought not to be had. It is like thinking up your shopping list whilst meditating. Superbly useless. But these are petty things. During Ramadan the challenge is enhanced by the situations we find ourselves in; refraining from the homicidal thoughts vis-à-vis ...everyone, avoiding that one individual you know will provoke biting cynicism bordering on a personal attack, trying not to hurl a barrage of crude insults at the missed bus, the arrogant waiter, the inept driver, the insolent child, that one colleague, the spill-prone cleaner, etc. The list of ridiculously treacherous - to one’s mental fast – situations are just infinite. Coupled with food deprivation, excessive humidity-defying heat and that temper I am not sure anyone has ever really fasted.
Whilst fasting I have personally wanted to defecate in the shoes of many a bus driver multiple times whenever they did not stop for me. And I consider myself quite the mild mannered individual. Imagine someone with actual road rage! All play aside, the first four days of Ramadan this year were difficult – I was not able to filter or censor a single thought and once or twice (or ten times) I even said what I thought directly. I was certainly not achieving a single objective of Ramadan. The following days I hope will be an improvement.
During Ramadan the intention is to curb all such thoughts – in fact the idea is to try and minimise thought and control our regular patterns. Funnel them if you may into succinct ideas about our position in this world. How relatively lucky, capable and grateful we are – rather should be. I did not do any of that in the first four days of Ramadan. Overtaken by work, family and social commitments I had little time to think let alone consider restraining from thought. Then again this blog is not a confessional. Thank goodness for that. This blog is about Ramadan and everything it means to us. I use us, because it is only through my interactions with others that I come to realize the importance of this month. It is not merely about my connection to my faith alone but how this is then translated to those around me.
The idea about the juxtaposition of mental and physical fast came about through a conversation I had with my sister. Day two of Ramadan and I am still not fasting and she is. However, whereas I am refraining from any thoughts. She isn’t. So who is fasting? Both of us. Modesty in thought then translates into our behaviour, speech and appearance. As my cousin recently complimented my appearance: “you are not even worth wasting a sin on!” What’s that I hear? Ah yes, the fleeting ego I once had racing past me at ludicrous speed. Luckily this month is also about our humility towards others. I did not hit my cousin.
So there you have it, the first four days got off on a rocky start but the good intentions are there, the mental fast is in order and hopefully the remaining 26 days will prove worthier. And tomorrow we shall see what the motherland brings. Inshallah.
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